FRIED TURDS

Alternatively titled, another reason we are excited to graduate.

Don't be fooled! These are in fact edible and not breaded feces!

If you have ever been a university student or gone to summer camp, then you will know what it is like to have terrible food every day for a long period of time. Central Washington University is no exception. With a creative menu of burgers, fries, sandwiches, pasta, and pizza, there is little to no diversity.

So, when Josh and I heard about special order hot wings, our feathers ruffled excitedly.

It began with a man shouting, “HOT WINGS ARE READY!” from across the cafeteria.

Alaina cocked her head bird-ishly towards Josh, “They sell hot wings here?”

“Apparently,” Josh replied, “Do you want to get some with me?”

Alaina smirked, “Obviously.”

Going to the man who had screamed about the wings, Josh ordered the special hot wings. The man replied, “What wings?”

“Uh, the wings you were yelling about?” Josh answered.

“Oh, they are over there,” the man said pointing unhelpfully to the five other stations.

Confused, and slightly disheartened, the couple flocked to the next station, getting a similar reply but were pointed towards the opposite direction. Going back and forth a few more times, the couple finally found a lazy-eyed girl who only responded, “They aren’t out till 8pm”.

“But, someone called for them just a few minutes ago,” Alaina pointed out.

The girl rolled her eyes, “Yeah, but you have to special order them.”

Alaina and Josh looked at each other, confused even more.

Josh turned back to the girl, “So can I special order the hot wings?”

“That will be $7.49,” she said.

A whopping 20 minutes later, we hear our order whispered out by the lazy-eyed girl.

Grabbing our food and going back to a dirty table in the middle of a busy cafeteria, we beheld the crusty, dry, chicken wings in our midst.

They weren’t hotter than the pits of Hell, but definitely the port-o-potty of Hell. That only speaks for the temperature because these wings were not spicy whatsoever. The crust was burnt and awful. The chicken was slimy and barely warm. Overall, awful. We ended up throwing most of it away and grabbing pizza; one of the only safe options at the SURC.

Conclusion & Rating:

Rating: 1-5, 1 being worst and 5 being best

Flavor/Texture: 1

Salty, no flavor besides burnt grease and slight trace of fecal matter

Color/Display: 1

Ugly, dark brown, burnt, crusty, shitty.

Price: 2

Without student discount, it is way too expensive ($7.49), but with our student discount it was only $3.

Food Service: 2

Did not know where hot wings were, uninformed, apathetic.

Atmosphere: 3

Inside CWU, close quarters, optional good seats if you can find them, loud from other students also gagging down the "special" poop-for-food.

Rename of Food: Fried Turds